My mood swing is getting from bad to worst. I'm not sure if it's because of PMS or what. But all I know is that I totally feel horrible. I tend to ignore almost everyone. I simply don't laugh nor smile sincerely. I don't eat much. I just went through my day meaninglessly. My patience run out fast. I get irritated by people easily. Lucky for me, my self-control is okie. If not,I would be getting into arguments with everyone.
My mind is always blank. I cant concentrate on what I'm doing. I get pissed off with people when they ask me too many questions. All I want to do is to be alone. All of the sudden I feel suffocated with my life. I feel that I'm just shouldering too much responsibility. I feel that I no longer taking life as happily as before. I'm thinking to much on what I should be doing and what if I don't achieve them.
Suddenly,all this are too heavy for me to cope. Expectation from them are too high for me to achieve. But I don't want to let them down. They have high hope on me. But I'm tired trying to please everyone. I'm thinking too much. Thinking too much on how to make people happy but I never though about myself.
When is the last time I ever spent something on myself?
When is the last time I ever pamper myself to great indulgent?
When is the last time I ever spent personal moments on my own?
I cant even remember when!!! It has certainly been a long time. My life now revolve with school,work,family and friends. No time for myself. Totally zero moments on my own.
For once,I actually broke down. I couldn't believe it either. I used to be a strong gerl who doesn't cry easily. But today, I actually did. N to make worst, I was actually with my mum and lil bro when I cried. Of course they didn't notice it ah. I was silently crying. I just cry suddenly. I couldn't think of any reasons why I cried. It's just weird for me.
I'm not blaming anyone for the plight I'm in now. I guess God wants to test if I'm strong enough to handle this kind of situation. I failed. I'm not strong enough. I cant handle it. Now,I'm just praying and asking God to give me the strength to go on and get my life back.
I hope this will be over soon. I miss laughing out loud. I miss talking crap with my friends. I miss smiling sincerely to the people I met. I really want to get my mood back as soon as possible.
Typing all my feeling out has certainly made me feel slightly better. Hope it get better in the coming days.
