.:``Pretending Is My Best Forte``:.

Friday, October 24, 2008

I have just finish reading your blog. And amazingly it brought tears in my eyes after reading this one phrase from your post, "Good News..I've got my driving license..syukor alhamdulillah..". I guess by now you should know I'm updating this blog because of you.

I cant no longer fake it. I cant no longer hold. I cant no longer stand it. You don't even tell me you pass your driving test personally. I get to know from your blog ehk. How bad has this friendship become. I never expect this friendship to become like this. I have always been looking forward to your driving license so that you can personally drive our Dollies around since I don't have the guts. But I guess, you just wouldn't want me to know.

People around have always been saying you have change. N I have always except the fact that you have change. I don't care if you change! Cause people change!! I admit I have change. But I'm just hoping that your love for our friendship doesn't change. That is the only one thing in your life I hope that doesn't change. Cant you just fulfill that small request from me?

Do you know I've been living my life like a robot? Yes, robot. A human being with no feelings. Cause I feel that it has become meaningless even if I'm happy or sad. Cause now I'm alone. Sharing with just Anne isn't enough. I want to have you too!!!

Yes, I do have my family. But you know how my family is like. I have a reputation of being a happy person always no matter what. Unlike you, you can cry & wail in front of your family. I cant. In fact, I just cant bring myself to do that. Cause I know I will make me family worry.

Pretending is No Longer my Best Forte. It has become your best forte. That fake smile I see that Saturday sadden my heart. I cant seem to understand why you no longer want to share any thing with me. I cant understand why you no longer turn to me when you are down. I cant understand why you no longer call me in the middle of the night.

Ever since the slashing incident, all of us has changed. Each day I keep on reminiscing the memories we used to share. Our ITE days, the days where I used to meet you middle of the night after I finish my shift in McD. The days that you were by my side when I argue with the people I LOVE. I want to be by your side when you need someone just like how you have always been by my side when I need you!!

Each day,you never leave my mind. I keep wondering how you are doing,what are you doing and just how are you getting on with life. All this may sound mawkish to you. But hey, just remember lah..I've been living my life having by my side almost all my years.

I would be lying if I said I don't give a damn to what has happened to you. I would be lying if I said I don't care. I would be lying if I said I no longer love you. Just what is wrong with our friendship gal.

Is it me? Have I been spending too much time on work? Have I been ignoring you? Or is it that I have neglected you? I have been burying myself at work so that I don't let my mind wonder. I don't wish to think about the negative side of our friendship.

I once said to you, "Yes, indeed sometime I really hate what you did or said, but it will just go away cause my LOVE for you & our friendship is more than the HATE I'm feeling.

I'm not sure if you ever feel this way. Maybe you have forgotten what we have been through. While you have forget everything, I will always have it in my memories.

Whatever you have decided to do, you will always have my support. I have always been supporting you and that will never change. It will stay. If one day you find yourself no one to turn to, just remember I'm always just a few steps away from you & just a phone call away.

I'm praying that everything will go well for you & your future. Even if I don't get to be part of it, I'm happy knowing that you are happy. I'm not ending this friendship or whatsoever, I'm just expressing my feeling. You know how egoistic I am. I wont be saying this to you face to face. Please..Let's do something for this friendship that is sinking...I don't wish to let go of it.

Have A Nice Day Ahead.
I Love You Just Like How I Always Love You Before. =)

Lotsa love,
Siti Masrurah.....

PS: Anne, I hope you are not offended by this post I dedicated to her. I appreciate having you around this few weeks. You are the one that have been motivating me. Each day, I look forward to lunch time with you. Don't ever think you are not important in my life aite. You are important. In fact, very important. You have become my pillar of strength. Thank you so much aite. Love you beb!!!

11:12 PMY