I guess it's time now. Yes, time for me to type what I've been keeping inside my heart for a period of time. It's hard to always be hiding my feeling, acting as if everything that is happening around me doesnt really affect me. In actual fact, it always hit me straight to the heart.
People keep saying "Sudah lah, give up jer dgn kwn-kwn kau tu smua". As much as I want to give on you gerls, I never really can. Our friendship is not like the typical others. Ours are fostered and bonded by love, sweat & blood!! Yes! Literally Sweat & Blood!!! We gone through so much together. Be it good time or bad time. Be it silly moments or stupid moments!!
Just when everybody else disagree with me, You were the one who give me courage to just go ahead. Just when I wanted to give up on someone I love so much, you were the one who ask me to hold on. THIS IS THE BOND THAT WE FOSTERED!!! The whole world may disagree with me, but I know, at the end of the road, I will find you!! YOU will give me your fullest support!!!
"15YEARS SISTAHOOD CUM STRANGER...been growing up together more than a decade.both have witnessed many changes in each other. but...that nyte..theres too little time with too much to tell..u have suddenly become a stranger in my eyes..sometimes i hate how we became more apart..but wen i tink back bout OUR BOND, deep down i do miss u. dun know why i jus cant bring myself to face u..different feelings all jumbled up. i felt so wrong neglecting u & act ignorant towards u..but at the same time..im jus disappointed in how u turn things to..dats y i jus refuse to. i know sometimes u needed me to be there jus like how i have always been ur listening ear during old tymes. n i know u r disappointed in me too.u kip track of my life n how ive been doing by checkin up on me thru my blog. u know wat darl?...i did the same too..i dun know how else to put this into werds..wif my every tears & every joy.YOU FEEL ME. u know the REAL camy like no one else wuld..& there were even times wen i nid u so badly but u cant be there coz u r bz wif ur own working life..times wen my parents are away..the time wen i lost MY junior..times wen he took my love for granted.. times wen i became insane n lose grip of myself thinking dat life's not fair. thinking that theres nothing more to live for..i needed u so bad. needed u more than anyone else. i was here. i have always been here.y didnt u come?.. CAMY never initiated things UNTIL u make the first move. CAMY keeps every problem sealed from others. but CAMY never stops hoping that sumone will eventually come n ask her just a simple. 'ARE U OK?'..maybe u forgot. camy isnt as strong as how she appears to be upfront..i know u will read this..ive said my part. im jus disappointed in u..u tagged me.what would i wana change bout u?...ur EGO..yes ur EGO. i hate it so freaking much..ive cried enuf. ive let it all out. im relieved."
Your above blog post hit me straight. Stranger... Is that really we want to be? You counted & mentioned 15 years of Sisterhood, THAT is not a short period my dear. U said u miss me? I miss you even more lah sey!!! Who is always around when I need someone to meet instantly? Who will be the one waiting for me at the void deck after I finish my night shift at McD? Wasnt that you? I remember all that gerl. I remember. Do you?
Yes, I am dissapointted in you. But I'm much more dissapointted in myself!!! I've failed as a friend!!!
Giving up on you has always be in my mind! But I just cant bring myself to do it!! I cant. I totally cant!! I'm sorry. I'm sorry I cant be there when things were so crazy. I'm sorry I acted as if I dont care. I'm sorry if I have hurt you in any way. I'm sorry. That's all I can say.
I got to admit, I'm not the same Mas you know for the past few years. I've changed. Circumstances & situation change me. But within me, there is always a place for you that never changed. Camy & Mas, it always comes together.
Remember the time when each time people sees me, their 1st question for me will be "Maner Leah?". =). And I'm always proud to answer their question cause I always know where you are. But now.....
My EGO. My ego cause me to nearly lost my BF. My ego has cause me to lost a few friends. N now, my ego might cause me to lose u!! I'm not letting that happened!!!! I'm not!!! If this is really what you want from me, I'll try. I'll try to let down my ego for you & for the sake of my other loved ones!!
I'll try Camy. I will. N I will make sure I will be there for you just like how I used to be. Call me middle of the night to meet me and hug. I have always been missing that!!!
Thanks Camy. Thanks for your blog post. =).
